When Emotions Disguise Themselves as Anxiety
I thought I was familiar with anxiety. I thought I knew anxiety because anything that felt like anxiety – elevated heart rate, tight chest, nauseous stomach, trouble focusing – must be anxiety, right?
Then, thanks to the work of Karla Mclaren, I learned what anxiety actually was. I learned what all the emotions were and were for, and just like Jason you’ve been calling Jasper all these years, realised I’d been calling most of them by their wrong name!
Fear, anger and shame are constantly disguised as anxiety. Since then I’ve learned that a few other emotions, too, can easily be mistaken for poor old anxiety who’s become an emotional scapegoat.
So, how does this actually help?
Let’s dive in.
So, What is Anxiety, Exactly?
First of all, what actually is anxiety? In Karla’s framework, anxiety is part of the Fear Family of emotions. It is future and task oriented and comes forward when we have a deadline and tasks to complete, or when an outcome is uncertain and we need to prepare. It offers us adrenaline and energy to focus and get the job done or problem solved on time. In that regard it can be seen as a procrastination support system.
There are two types of approaches to completing tasks. Some people rely on their anxiety to jolt them into action when it’s time to get moving. Until their anxiety comes forward at the more intense level, they are relaxed and at ease.
Others complete tasks systematically ahead of time with subtle anxiety tugging at them to keep going until everything’s done. They are more comfortable in doing mode, marking items off their to-do list on their way to completion. These people rarely experience the big surge of anxiety that deadline-oriented people do.
Anxiety can also take the form of concern or worry. Anyone who has children will know this kind of anxiety!
In a nutshell, anxiety is the emotion that helps us prepare for the future.
So if it’s not about future-oriented tasks or worries, what emotions are we actually experiencing when we confuse them for anxiety?
Let’s take a look.
Confusing Anger for Anxiety
Anger – in particular, the repressed variety – sure feels like anxiety. If you’re trying to keep a lid on your anger and pretend like you don’t care, the associated nausea, racing heart and general feeling of “resistance” can feel like anxiety. You’ll know when it’s anger and not anxiety when the situation is not about tasks or deadlines, but that something you value has been broken or a boundary has been crossed.
When Shame + Guilt is Disguised as Anxiety
That gnawing feeling in your stomach; a full-body sense of nausea – shame can feel like anxiety, too. It’s “stressful” knowing you’ve done something to harm another, or that you can’t live up to an idea or expectation (of your own, from others, or society itself.) When this feeling arises, ask yourself: have I hurt or betrayed someone? Do I need to make amends? Am I trying to live up to outdated expectations? If an answer comes forward, it’s likely shame, who’s also part of the Anger Family, that’s the dominant emotion, rather than anxiety.
Is it Anxiety or Excitement?
Excitement is part of the Happiness Family of emotions. That nervous, butterfly feeling that’s full of anticipation may be pointing toward fun things but isn’t necessarily pleasant. Excitement carries similar physical responses as anxiety – elevated heart rate and a jittery stomach. If there’s something positive or hopeful in your near future, this feeling is more likely excitement than anxiety.
Depression and Anxiety
Depression and anxiety have different symptoms but it’s worth spelling them out as these two emotions often come as a tag-team. Situational depression is part of the Sadness Family and wants things to slow down or stop. That’s why depression takes all your energy away. Anxiety, from the Fear Family, is the opposite. It wants us to go, go, go until we’ve gotten everything done. Sometimes after intense periods of anxiety-fuelled activity, situational depression arrives to say enough is enough, you need to take a break.
The Difference Between Fear and Anxiety
Fear is another emotion that gets confused with others, including shame and panic. In the case of anxiety, however, anxiety is a forward-focused emotion, whereas fear arises in the present to help you scan for threats now (like when driving a car). Fear helps us focus and access our instincts to navigate change or uncertainty that’s present now.
Confusing Panic and Anxiety
Panic and anxiety are often used interchangeably; they seem to be fond of “attacking” us, and they can appear at the same time making it hard to discern which is which. If your survival is being threatened (for example by an intruder or a fire), “immediate” panic will come in and take over all your emotions so that you can either run (flee), attack in self-defence (fight), or stay hidden and not utter a sound (freeze). Panic can also arise in the present about something from the past (pointing you towards unhealed trauma.) Again, you will attempt to fight, flee or freeze, even though you yourself are not in any physical danger.
A racing heart, sweaty palms and shortness of breath are symptoms of both panic and anxiety, which is why they’re easily confused.
Confusion Disguised as Anxiety
Lastly, confusion itself can be confused with anxiety because it’s an emotion that arises in response to anxiety. When there are too many tasks, competing deadlines, and you’ve no clue where to begin – in comes confusion to deliberately slow things down. Being confused during uncertainty, of course, may lead to even more anxiety so it’s best to step away from the situation until clarity prevails.
Multiple Emotions, Confusion Magnified
Emotions are rarely a solo act, they often arise in pairs, trios or whole orchestras! With all that going on, it’s no wonder anxiety gets misnamed so often.
So what can we do to get the right support for the right emotion?
- The first step is developing greater awareness. Knowing when you’re having an emotional response to something is important. Establishing a mindfulness practice can help bring about a more nuanced self-awareness over time.
- Second, become familiar with all the emotions. Dig into them. Understand their differences, their purpose, their messages. Rather than resist or turn away from them, especially the “negative” ones, get support to turn toward them. Seek to understand and embrace this crucial part of being human.
- Third, seek out the right support for the right emotions. With a honed emotional vocabulary and greater understanding of emotional intelligence, you can name your emotions with precision and seek out supportive people and strategies relevant to the right emotion. Practises for anxiety are different than for shame. Modalities that help with depression may not be good for anxiety. Strategies for anxiety are pointless for panic, and so forth.
3 Self-Soothing Practices for (Actual) Anxiety
Finally, if you’ve identified anxiety correctly, you may find these practices soothing.
- Compassionate Touch. Similar to the body scan, this technique adds a physical touch component. Place your hands with gentle pressure, in slow succession, to the following areas of your body: crown of the head, cheeks, sides of the neck, chest. Cross your arms over into a V-shape and hold onto your traps/top of your shoulders. Move your hands down into a self-hugging posture. Resume the gentle holds: tummy, lower back, thighs. Run your hands gently up and down your legs.
- Shake It Off. Match the level of anxiety’s activation with freeform body movement that’s just as vigorous. Play with body shapes, tempo, rhythm. Shake your hands, shake your arms, shake your legs. Shake your whole body if you have to. Give the nervous energy somewhere to go. Shake it out to music, shake it out in silence. Follow your body’s lead. Feel your heart rate increase but in an empowering way.
- Make a List. Anxiety wants to know you’re somewhat in control. It wants order, it needs a plan. Grab your phone or a sheet of paper and start a ceremonial brain dump. List everything you need to do, every idea that’s swirling around. See if you can pick one thing; any thing from the list that you can cross off now. Anxiety loves a completed to-do list.
Your path to self-awareness and emotional skills starts on the meditation cushion. Join me on my 6-week mindfulness for beginner’s program Learn to Meditate and be supported on your meditation journey.
